As a child I remember having a recurring dream about a little black boy with bright green eyes. When I awoke I always assumed this would be the child I would adopt someday. As I think back, I wonder why my assumption was such. I do have four adopted cousins, or maybe it's just that God placed in my heart a desire for adoption from the time I was a little girl. Regardless, my dreams have always been vivid and seemingly prophetic.
I have been having a lot of dreams since our adoption. Dreams of death. Psychologists claim that dreams involving death represent loss. It seems to be true in my case. We have experienced much loss. Loss of ourselves, friends, anticipated support, understanding, sanity and...dreams.
However, we have also gained. In the midst of both, I have truly learned to appreciate the blessings bestowed in the midst of the heartache. I have realized true friendship, uncovered a grounded, solid marriage tied together by three strands which can never be broken, and grown to deeply appreciate God's sovereignty, power, comfort and His will for us, which more often than not brings significant trials for those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose. (Just read any book of the Bible.)
Today our Pastor talked about two couples he once counseled simultaneously. One was a middle-aged couple who had been married 20 plus years. They accomplished the American Dream, but were left feeling empty and lonely. The other was a pre-marital couple, young and energetic and ready to embark on the same adventure as the older couple and to follow similar dreams.
Rick and I never had pre-marital counseling because we lived 1,500 miles apart, but I remember those days prior to marriage when we dreamed about what our life would be. Rick's dream included 10 kids and mine only 2, neither of us knowing that God had plans for 4. We dreamed of a life where we placed God at the center of our home, raised children who were successful in God's eyes, served His people here and abroad and fell in love more and more deeply each year of our marriage.
As I listened to the sermon, I realized that our anniversary places us dead in the middle of those two couples. I realized we are far from the "bliss" that comes during those pre-marital months. I also happily realized that I don't think Rick and I will be that older couple sitting in the Pastor's office wondering where our life went and what we really accomplished. We are holding on to our dream, and while many things have taken an unintended turn, we are staying the course God chose for us. We have taken risks for God. We have followed him into the Valley of the Shadow of Death, or so it feels right now. Yet, we know our life is full of purpose and meaning. We are opposing the American Dream and while that doesn't feel comfy and cozy right now, nor does it provide much support even within the Church, one day we are confident we will reap the rewards.
It is my prayer that ten years from now, we will be a couple deeply in love, ONE, probably very wrinkled and gray, but also content and full. Not content because we remained married, our kids all went to college, got great jobs, found lovely wives and had the cutest kids ever. Not even content because our dream turned out almost precisely as we intended. Content because 20 years earlier, God called and we said "Here we are Lord. Send us."
Lord, give us the strength to continue...and continue to give us the dreams.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Friday, September 3, 2010
Home.
We have been home for a month now. They say the first month is the hardest. I sure hope so. God has definitely increased our fortitude, patience, mercy and grace toward all our children. Sometimes it has been hard to laugh or even to love. Every night we have gone to bed completely exhausted. I normally have a really hard time getting to sleep, but I have slept easily and completely this past month. Rick normally falls asleep the instant his head hits his pillow. I think lately, it's more like the instant his head starts reclining towards the pillow...by the time his head hits it, he's already long gone.
Yes, we've had a lot of ups and downs. We've had times of laughter and tears, discipline and grace, joy and anger. Trust has been gained and then lost. Times of anger have turned into times of joy; times of joy into times of tears; and times of tears into times of love. Decisions we made long ago have been altered, and many of the hopes we had have disappeared. But where old hopes have diminished, new hopes have formed, and we press on for the sake of God's glory. For what else do we have in this life, but for God? "For who is God besides the LORD? And who is the Rock except our God?" 2 Samuel 22:32
Language seems to be the largest barrier at this point. The fact that the boys have each other to speak to is definitely impeding their English-speaking abilities. Because Bodie has a swearing problem, we have had to take their language away at points. Taras doesn't seem to mind, but Bodie has a difficult time speaking only English. We just ate dinner with a couple the other night who adopted four children from Ukraine (3 separate adoptions), and who only allowed them to speak Russian and/or Ukrainian on Sundays. We liked that idea. For those who don't understand, this may sound cruel, but actually it is loving. Communication is critical right now, in ways hard to even explain or imagine, but the faster they learn our language, the sooner we will be able to love them fully.
Although we had intended to home school all four children, after a trial week we made the difficult decision to send Bodie and Taras to school. We really felt like this was the right thing to do. We are so glad we did, and we can totally see God's hand in it. They are making friends with other children their age and they were placed with teachers who really love them. And, their English improves by leaps and bounds every day. We couldn't be more pleased. We aren't sure how long they will be in school, but for now we are at peace.
Please continue to pray for us. This is a huge transition for our family, and will be for a long time to come. Taras and Bodie have a lot of history to overcome with our help and the healing hand of God. We are thankful for the provision God has already provided and for that which is still to come.
Yes, we've had a lot of ups and downs. We've had times of laughter and tears, discipline and grace, joy and anger. Trust has been gained and then lost. Times of anger have turned into times of joy; times of joy into times of tears; and times of tears into times of love. Decisions we made long ago have been altered, and many of the hopes we had have disappeared. But where old hopes have diminished, new hopes have formed, and we press on for the sake of God's glory. For what else do we have in this life, but for God? "For who is God besides the LORD? And who is the Rock except our God?" 2 Samuel 22:32
Language seems to be the largest barrier at this point. The fact that the boys have each other to speak to is definitely impeding their English-speaking abilities. Because Bodie has a swearing problem, we have had to take their language away at points. Taras doesn't seem to mind, but Bodie has a difficult time speaking only English. We just ate dinner with a couple the other night who adopted four children from Ukraine (3 separate adoptions), and who only allowed them to speak Russian and/or Ukrainian on Sundays. We liked that idea. For those who don't understand, this may sound cruel, but actually it is loving. Communication is critical right now, in ways hard to even explain or imagine, but the faster they learn our language, the sooner we will be able to love them fully.
Although we had intended to home school all four children, after a trial week we made the difficult decision to send Bodie and Taras to school. We really felt like this was the right thing to do. We are so glad we did, and we can totally see God's hand in it. They are making friends with other children their age and they were placed with teachers who really love them. And, their English improves by leaps and bounds every day. We couldn't be more pleased. We aren't sure how long they will be in school, but for now we are at peace.
Please continue to pray for us. This is a huge transition for our family, and will be for a long time to come. Taras and Bodie have a lot of history to overcome with our help and the healing hand of God. We are thankful for the provision God has already provided and for that which is still to come.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Coming Home...
We're finally coming home! Tomorrow is the big day. The boys and I are so excited (not to mention my Mom, who is also thrilled). Please pray for safe travel for us. We have a LONG trip, including a 6 hour drive home from DC in the middle of the night. Then, we'll have lots of adjustment once we get home, but for now we are excited to show the boys around our house and town. And, of course, we cannot wait for them to meet all our awesome friends and family!
On another note, I just want to say that I have an awesome, awesome husband. The poor guy has been home alone with Charlie and Andrew for 17 days, shuttling them all over town to friends' houses while also trying to work hard (especially after having missed 3 1/2 weeks of work while in Ukraine). He is exhausted. He has also fed them, clothed them, taken them to their evening activites, taken them out in the boat, camped in the backyard with them, taken care of the yard, and last (but DEFINITELY not least) he and the boys spent much of the weekend cleaning the house for me. God certainly blessed me with an awesome husband. What an awesome example he is going to set for all four of our boys. It brings tears to my eyes to think that Taras and Bohdan are going from being "fatherless" to having one of the best earthly fathers I know. Rick is truly a superb dad. All four of our boys are truly blessed beyond measure to have him in their life. As am I.
On another note, I just want to say that I have an awesome, awesome husband. The poor guy has been home alone with Charlie and Andrew for 17 days, shuttling them all over town to friends' houses while also trying to work hard (especially after having missed 3 1/2 weeks of work while in Ukraine). He is exhausted. He has also fed them, clothed them, taken them to their evening activites, taken them out in the boat, camped in the backyard with them, taken care of the yard, and last (but DEFINITELY not least) he and the boys spent much of the weekend cleaning the house for me. God certainly blessed me with an awesome husband. What an awesome example he is going to set for all four of our boys. It brings tears to my eyes to think that Taras and Bohdan are going from being "fatherless" to having one of the best earthly fathers I know. Rick is truly a superb dad. All four of our boys are truly blessed beyond measure to have him in their life. As am I.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
It's been a while...
I must apologize for my complacency in updating the blog. I will attribute it to my lack of sleep, though I'm not sure that accurately explains it. Regardless, I cannot wait to get home to my very comfortable bed!
Bohdan is back. He has been wonderful. Children are always challenging, but he has been no more challenging than any other child, and actually I would say he has been less challenging than most over this past week. He's been extremely helpful and kind. One of his best qualities is that he is extremely considerate. He gets up and makes tea for himself first thing every morning. He makes one glass and then offers it to everyone else before he takes a sip. Often Taras will say he would like the glass, so Bohdan graciously gives him the glass and then heads back into the kitchen to start the next glass. It's very cute. Also, he is extremely expressive! When he's angry you know it, but when he's happy you know it too, and it's very cute. He reminds me of an Italian man. (He actually resembles a southern Italian in many ways!) We are down to the three day countdown now, and he is getting very excited. He truly wants to come to America, and he can't wait to get there! I have drawn out our house a couple of times for him so he can see where he is sleeping, etc. They know our house is three stories, and they are very intrigued to understand exactly what rooms occupy each story. This morning, Bohdan came in and said (in not so many words) that he should have the "single" room, while Taras, Charlie and Andrew share the other room. I laughed. He smiled and said (in a very exagerrated manner), "Yes, Mommy, YES!!" Like I said, he's very cute.
Taras is acting more like a typical teenager (and man, in general). We went to the dentist a few days ago, and found out Taras has seven cavities that need filling while Bohdan needs 4 teeth extracted (none permanent) and had 4 cavities. Well, we went to the dentist a couple of days ago, and Bohdan had half of his work done, as did Taras. (As a side note, you are probably thinking, "YOU ARE TAKING THEM TO A DENTIST IN UKRAINE! ARE YOU INSANE?!" However, this is the dentist that the US Embassy workers and their children frequent. It looks exactly like an office in America, except for the fact that all the magazines lying around are written in Russian. Oh, and the price is 1/3 of an American dentist. For those of you who know my husband at all, you now completely understand why we are seeing a dentist our last week in Ukraine.) ; ) Anyway, one of Taras' cavities was rather large. The dentist said he might have slight pain for a couple of days. He did not even recommend Motrin or anything. Regardless, I started administering Motrin immediately. 600 mg every six hours. Regardless, he has been complaining NON-STOP about his tooth pain. MEN! You would think his mouth had been run over by a truck. Seriously. Anyway, I suppose he's feeling better this morning, because he is actually smiling. Little does he know that we return for the second half tomorrow. If I have realized nothing else on this trip, I have realized that sometimes it's very convenient to speak a different language than your children.
We are off to the US Embassy now to complete our Visa work. This is the last step in the adoption process. It's been a trip, and we are all finally ready for last leg - flying home!
Love to all and again, countless thanks for your amazing prayers and support!
Bohdan is back. He has been wonderful. Children are always challenging, but he has been no more challenging than any other child, and actually I would say he has been less challenging than most over this past week. He's been extremely helpful and kind. One of his best qualities is that he is extremely considerate. He gets up and makes tea for himself first thing every morning. He makes one glass and then offers it to everyone else before he takes a sip. Often Taras will say he would like the glass, so Bohdan graciously gives him the glass and then heads back into the kitchen to start the next glass. It's very cute. Also, he is extremely expressive! When he's angry you know it, but when he's happy you know it too, and it's very cute. He reminds me of an Italian man. (He actually resembles a southern Italian in many ways!) We are down to the three day countdown now, and he is getting very excited. He truly wants to come to America, and he can't wait to get there! I have drawn out our house a couple of times for him so he can see where he is sleeping, etc. They know our house is three stories, and they are very intrigued to understand exactly what rooms occupy each story. This morning, Bohdan came in and said (in not so many words) that he should have the "single" room, while Taras, Charlie and Andrew share the other room. I laughed. He smiled and said (in a very exagerrated manner), "Yes, Mommy, YES!!" Like I said, he's very cute.
Taras is acting more like a typical teenager (and man, in general). We went to the dentist a few days ago, and found out Taras has seven cavities that need filling while Bohdan needs 4 teeth extracted (none permanent) and had 4 cavities. Well, we went to the dentist a couple of days ago, and Bohdan had half of his work done, as did Taras. (As a side note, you are probably thinking, "YOU ARE TAKING THEM TO A DENTIST IN UKRAINE! ARE YOU INSANE?!" However, this is the dentist that the US Embassy workers and their children frequent. It looks exactly like an office in America, except for the fact that all the magazines lying around are written in Russian. Oh, and the price is 1/3 of an American dentist. For those of you who know my husband at all, you now completely understand why we are seeing a dentist our last week in Ukraine.) ; ) Anyway, one of Taras' cavities was rather large. The dentist said he might have slight pain for a couple of days. He did not even recommend Motrin or anything. Regardless, I started administering Motrin immediately. 600 mg every six hours. Regardless, he has been complaining NON-STOP about his tooth pain. MEN! You would think his mouth had been run over by a truck. Seriously. Anyway, I suppose he's feeling better this morning, because he is actually smiling. Little does he know that we return for the second half tomorrow. If I have realized nothing else on this trip, I have realized that sometimes it's very convenient to speak a different language than your children.
We are off to the US Embassy now to complete our Visa work. This is the last step in the adoption process. It's been a trip, and we are all finally ready for last leg - flying home!
Love to all and again, countless thanks for your amazing prayers and support!
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Perseverance
I have not written much about Taras except that he is a great kid and he fits perfectly into our family. Truly, there is so much more to tell. I am inspired and in awe of Taras. I had no idea how hard his life had been until we met with the head caretaker at the orphanage who told us much about his past. Out of respect for Taras, I will not divulge the details at this time. There may be a day when they can be told, but it is his story, not mine, to tell. What I can tell you, is that he is a boy/man to be admired; he truly is "great". Greatness is born by perseverance in the face of adversity. As Calvin Coolidge wrote: "Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan "press on" has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race." Or as Paul wrote to the Philippians, "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Jesus Christ." Taras has persevered in the face of much adversity. He is mature and able. He is courageous and kind. He is trustworthy and respectful. He is joyful and affectionate. He has overcome more than I could ever even imagine in this life, and yet, he has become much more than I could ever hope to become. Jesus Christ has strengthened him and equipped him and I have such great hopes for him. My hopes for him do not include success as defined by the world, but rather, succeeding in holiness, as defined by Christ. My prayer is that Rick and I may now be equipped to "let [Taras] live up to what [he] has already attained". (Phil 3:16)
Monday, July 19, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Hard Day
This has certainly been an odd and emotional day to say the least. This morning, after a nice breakfast of pastries and tea at a local patisserie, Bohdan told me he did not want to go to America. After much conversation between Taras, Bohdan and I, he was insistent that he does not want to go. I think this was a test, because I have a child who tests me often already, so I am very familiar with being tested and having to stand firm, and I am 80% confident that was his motive. I asked him if he wanted to go back to Nikolai (the orphanage director) and he said "yes". So, I made a few phone calls, we drove for 1 1/2 hours and I left him at the orphanage with Nikolai. He will be there at least 5 days. Nikolai is having him to hard labor for those 5 days (the orphanage is on a farm, and so there is a LOT of manual labor to be done, and it is VERY hot here right now). According to our facilitator, it is Nikolai's plan to ask Bohdan, "Do you want to go to America where you can go to a University and earn your degree and work in an office, or do you want to stay in Ukraine where you will do labor like this for the rest of your life? It is your choice." Obviously, he is also going to talk to him about family and why it is best to have a family to support and love you. But, he knows Bohdan best, and he thinks the hard labor will make a strong point with him. I have no idea what is going to happen, but I am honestly not very worried.
Taras is adamant that he IS coming to America and he keeps telling me Bohdan is crazy/stupid. The fact that Taras is so adament and was so upset with Bohdan today definitely put me more at ease with the situation. Now I am just praying that God will guide Bohdan according to His will. I want what God wants, whatever that is. Please pray for Taras during these 5 days with just my Mom and I (kind of boring for an almost-14-year-old boy). We already decided to see a Ukrainian museum tomorrow that covers the history of Ukraine starting from 3,000 B.C. That should be fun. So, in three days, I have gone from 4 kids in the apartment to just one. Kind of weird and quiet.
Thank you God for giving me peace in the midst of turmoil. Please give Taras that same peace, and help us to have a fun and happy 5 days of bonding together. The good news is, Taras is going to learn English especially quickly now!
Love to all, and as always, thank you for your prayers...
Taras is adamant that he IS coming to America and he keeps telling me Bohdan is crazy/stupid. The fact that Taras is so adament and was so upset with Bohdan today definitely put me more at ease with the situation. Now I am just praying that God will guide Bohdan according to His will. I want what God wants, whatever that is. Please pray for Taras during these 5 days with just my Mom and I (kind of boring for an almost-14-year-old boy). We already decided to see a Ukrainian museum tomorrow that covers the history of Ukraine starting from 3,000 B.C. That should be fun. So, in three days, I have gone from 4 kids in the apartment to just one. Kind of weird and quiet.
Thank you God for giving me peace in the midst of turmoil. Please give Taras that same peace, and help us to have a fun and happy 5 days of bonding together. The good news is, Taras is going to learn English especially quickly now!
Love to all, and as always, thank you for your prayers...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
